Tuesday, 18 October 2016

Miss Grunge

I've just came back home from work and I felt so tired that I wanted to lay down and do absolutely nothing.. It is been a while since I did something creative. I missed this part of me actually, that part that can stay up till late and write random stuff, think about stuff.... Paint, draw try something new , get excited about something in my life and do something about this excitement. 

Most of all I miss to feel something even if its sadness , anger , love, passion, hate ... 

What I hate the most is this emptiness......

Wednesday, 12 October 2016


Does a place like Wonderland exist?..

Some places bring you a feeling of 'wonderland', once you step in, you step into a different world far away from the real world..

Reality can kill you inside and you do need a place to escape.. Everyone needs a place called wonderland to escape reality for a while..

Wonderland is a feeling.. Any place  can be Wonderland .. What is needed the most is the state of mind and wonderland is going to the there waiting for you..

Saturday, 7 May 2016

Are you honest with yourself ?

It is been a while since I haven't been honest with myself. Its amazing how you can be everyday with yourself and see your reflection and still lie to yourself. I will never understand why and how we have to lie to our own self.

I still can smell the smell of cigarettes at my hair and have this bitter taste from the alcohol that I drunk yesterday night. My thoughts are chaotic from my hungover but that's the time for me to be honest with myself and think of things that I've been avoiding for so long. Its time for me to stay in bed the all day and write random things. Write down the feelings that I cannot translate in my head.

Some of those thoughts are hurting me because are about broken dreams.. Others are the worries that I have about my life in general. I am sure everyone is worrying about something we are all humans and we always think about stuff.. Worry and forget to to live the moment and be thankful for everything you have.

I still remember that all the things that I've achieved until today used to be dreams and hopes.. Now I should be proud of myself for what I've done and be thankful for all those people I have in my life. I was never more complete in my life than now.

I want all these positive thoughts to conquer my mind and once again lie to myself that I am complete but today I can't. Its is not the day for that, today I am honest and i see how incomplete I am and how many things I am missing in my life.

Today I am going to think of that missing part from my life and let nostalgia win.

Have a good night

Thursday, 21 April 2016

How to settle down after all these years ?

I would not believe a year ago how much my life is going to change within a year. Every single thing has changed and I am here a year after trying to realize all those changes .

I am about to take another step in my life. I am about to settle down in a place for a year. It is strange for me because for the first time it doesn't feels like a 'cage' but this is what I want actually. I need to settle down a bit and have a place that I am going to call home. !

It is not about being an adult or grow older, it is all about taking another step in your life. A step which hopefully will bring you closer to your goals that you have in your life. Or will make you realize your goals, life is a wonderful game that you should play and if you give up you will never find out how far you would go.

It is all about chances, luck and patience. Every start they say its a hard one but I wouldn't agree on that since challenges are what makes me feel alive and good with myself. Every day routine on something that I do not like, that is whats scares me and it is hard for me. But this time I am not afraid of having a routine in my life, a routine that I will fill with what I wanna do.


When I am looking back all these years that I've spend on studying, travelling and making new friends are a huge part of my life but it is not everything what I wanted from my life. Having a life based on travelling will never help you to settle down and will not let you to keep some people in your life even though they were a huge part of your life. Travelling will always be a part of my life but I will have a place that I will be able to call home, my home !

I used to have thoughts of just leaving everything behind and travel without destination and all those thoughts seemed amazing in my mind but having people that you care about around you and doing what you want to do and meanwhile travel to meet friends, that is what I wanna do in the end !

I am amazed and I see how much strength it needs to leave everything behind and leave without a destination and I am more amazed with the people that are doing it !! Travelling must mean everything for them !!

I am not saying that I will live the rest of my life here in that city, but what I am saying is that it is the first time that I am going to settle down and try to follow my dreams !

Sunday, 20 December 2015

December Favourites

It is been such a long time that I haven't blog anything but I was busy during this last month and to cover my absence I will blog about 10 favourite things that I started doing or discovered in December.

1. Tea with cinnamon and ginger

I wasn't liking plain black tea until I was in London this summer. I've tried the English tea with milk and I've started drinking tea almost every evening until this month that I've started putting ginger and cinnamon in the tea. It is brilliant ! I can say that I never liked tea that much in my life and a cup of tea can be so enjoyable !

Cinnamon and ginger not only have  multiple benefits for the body but can make the tea tastes amazing and you do need to add sugar in it.

2.Green Tea

A cup of green tea in the night is the best way to make yourself relax and go to sleep easier if you have sleeping problems like me and with adding ginger  at your tea makes it amazing !

3.High Knee Boots

I finally bought my High knee Boots this month. I've always wanted a pair but I never actually found one that I liked or they would be too expensive but luckily I found this pair of platform high knee boots that are so comfy and I can wear any clothes that I want with them. My style is a mixture of different styles that includes grunge, goth,indie and 50's. I do like to experiment with my looks and that boots are exactly what I wanted so I am super excited.

4.Coconut oil

I am using coconut oil for my hair since last year. I do put coconut oil on my hair and I leave it for couple of hours or overnight and then I wash my hair normally. I have seen amazing changes at my hair and I finally can see them grow once again because I used to have really long and healthy hair until I started bleaching them to achieve the pink-red colour. Well I've achieved the colour but I almost lost my hair. My hair were so weak and dry that i stopped bleaching them and I started dying my hair with natural hair dyes that doesn't includ ammonia and with the coconut oil i can see them finally growing and having volume again!

But I do not use coconut oil only for my hair. This month I've started using coconut oil as a body cream after shower, as a hand mask and for cooking. With one product I've replaced so many products and to be honest coconut oil that is all natural is so good and your all body can benefit from it.

5.Fake rings

I always loved rings and especially big rings. I used to have my fingers full with rings until one year after a party in Turkey that I lost my favourite gold ring that my mother gifted to me I am not wearing anymore real rings but fake ones that I am not afraid to lose in a night out and this month I ve just discovered that if I am going to paint the rings with clear nail polish they wont colour my fingers after many hours of wearing them. That is a simple trick that makes the fake rings feel like real rings.

6.Glitter nails

Christmas month makes me to paint my nails in glitter colours and I do enjoy it !

7. Microwavable Heat Pack

For the Secret Santa staff gifts at my job I got a microwavable Heat Pack and I literally loved it! Every night I heat it up for one minute in the microwave and keeps me warm for many hours. If you are looking for a simple Christmas present that is a great idea.! I absolutely loved it!

8.  Ombre natural Hair

I haven't dyed my hair since august and now my hair feels much better. I wanted to stay away even from the natural dyes just to keep myself and my hair away from any chemicals that a hair dye has and I actually achieved a great colour that is ombre with different shades of red. I really liked it and I am going to keep it for a while.

9. Cozy socks

Cozy afternoons watching movies or working on assignments with cozy christmas songs, microwavable heat pack and a cup of tea is my favourite thing to do especially on Sunday nights.

10. Spices

I never liked to cook because I never had to cook for someone and cooking just for me seemed boring, not after I started using spices and experimenting with the food. I love to use spices and make my own recipes . Spices are needed everywhere! In cooking and in life.

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Skull makeup and outfit

Today I went for shopping and I already seen all the Halloween stuff removed and instead you can see around Christmas decorations. So I decided to share my Halloween costume now before its too late.

31st of October is the only night of the year that zombies, witches and vampires can walk between us and none will notice.. I absolutely adore this night. I love the history about it, the stories and I am glad that I've spend for the first time Halloween in the UK and in one of the best cities for the particular celebration. YEah!

Well I've spend Halloween in Derry-Londonderry which is a small city in Northern Ireland and they say that it is one of the best places in the world for Halloween, SO i wanted to put a bit more effort for my costume this year. I came up with the idea to make skull make up and with the blue hair I was looking like a monster than a skull. So I will call this outfit as a monster.

I've spend around 2 £ for the all outfit since I used my own clothes and the only things that I bought are the hair 1 £ and the make up 1 £ as well..

The make up was pretty easy thing to do and I did it within 15 min, I know I could spend more time and make it better but I did not had time and the patience to do so.. Here are some pictures with the final results : 

For my next post I will post about Halloween in Derry and share my experience and pictures of course!

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Missing pieces in the past

'I haven't felt like this since a long time .. It is like something missing from my life but I can't find what it is .. It is not something that I had before, it is something new. Something that I should find out'

How many times you miss something that you do not know what it is.. How many times you try to find it in your past?

When I am at this stage personally I am trying to compare my life back then and now and I make my past perfect in my mind even though it wasn't. If it was perfect I would have stayed in that situation.. It is your past you can't run from it. You have to accept it and move on your life..

Sometimes its the nostalgia of something familiar and something that we know and we have already tried that drives us to think about the past so much.. 

But the past is past! Is gone and it is not coming back.. Even though if you try to bring it back it wont be the same..

It is like going home after many years. Everything seems the same and might be the same but it is you who changed and you can't just look at things the same way like before..

Call it experience, life, situations , everything change us and drive us to look for something more but when we do not find it we are looking at the past .. When we feel empty and uncompleted we try to find the missing pieces in our past ..